Men Are Now Lonelier Than Women for the First Time (Here Is Why)

For as long as researchers have been tracking loneliness by gender, men and women reported roughly the same rates. In AARP's 2018 survey, 34% of men and 36% of women said they were lonely. The difference was negligible.

By 2025, that had changed.

Men now report a loneliness rate of 42%. Women report 37%. Men are also more likely to say they have no close friends at all: 17% compared to 13% of women.

This is not a small shift. It is a reversal of a pattern that held steady for decades. And it has specific, researchable explanations that go well beyond the tired narrative that men are simply "bad at emotions."

How men and women build friendships differently

Research on friendship has consistently found that men and women tend to connect through different channels.

Women's friendships are more likely to be face to face and centered on conversation. Two women who are close friends are likely to call each other regularly, share what they are going through, and maintain the relationship through emotional check ins. The friendship exists because of the emotional exchange.

Men's friendships are more likely to be side by side and centered on a shared activity. Two men who are close friends might play basketball every week, work on a project together, or watch sports together, and never have a deep conversation about how they are feeling. The friendship is real and meaningful. But it lives inside the activity. Take away the activity, and the friendship often fades.

This is not because men are emotionally shallow. It is because the social norms around male friendship make it harder for men to sustain friendships through conversation alone. When a man loses his job, moves to a new city, or goes through a divorce, the activities that held his friendships together often disappear. And unlike women, who are more practiced at maintaining friendships through direct emotional contact, many men do not have a fallback mechanism.

What is making it worse right now

Several trends are converging at the same time, and they hit men's social lives particularly hard.

Remote work. For many men, work colleagues were their primary social connections. Working from home has eliminated the break room conversations, the lunch runs, the after work hangouts that served as a social lifeline without anyone ever calling them that.

Declining community organizations. The lodges, sports leagues, civic clubs, and volunteer groups that gave men structured social time have been losing members for decades. The institutions that once created natural third places for men are hollowing out.

Changes in fatherhood. Men today are more involved with their kids than any previous generation. That is a good thing in many ways. But it also means less discretionary time for the activities that sustained male friendships.

Divorce. Research shows that women are more likely to keep mutual friends after a divorce. Men are more likely to lose access to the social network that was built and maintained primarily through their partner.

None of these are personal failures. They are structural forces that are reshaping the social landscape, and men are getting hit hardest.

What the research suggests men can do

The answer is not to tell men to be more like women in their friendships. That ignores how men naturally connect and replaces it with nothing actionable.

Instead, the research points to strategies that work with male friendship patterns rather than against them.

Rebuild around activities. If your friendships were tied to activities that no longer exist, find new ones. A gym. A running group. A recreational league. A workshop class. A regular poker night. The activity provides the structure. The friendship grows inside that structure. You do not need to plan an emotional heart to heart. You need to plan the activity. The rest takes care of itself over time.

Create simple rituals. One of the most effective strategies from a 2025 study of men's walking groups was the standing weekly commitment. Same place. Same time. Show up and walk. Talk if you want. The simplicity removed every barrier. No RSVP. No coordination. No agenda. Just show up. You can create your own version of this. A Saturday morning coffee at the same shop. A Tuesday evening walk around the neighborhood. A monthly dinner at the same restaurant.

Go one level deeper. You do not have to share your deepest fears. But you can go one small step past the surface. When someone asks how you are doing, try replacing "fine" with something honest. "Work has been rough" or "I have been thinking about some big changes" is enough to signal that you are open to a real conversation. Most men are waiting for someone else to go first.

Reframe what this means. Seeking connection is not weakness. It is not soft. The Surgeon General's 2023 advisory classified social disconnection as a health risk on par with smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Addressing your loneliness is not an emotional indulgence. It is one of the most important things you can do for your physical and mental health.

The bottom line

The rise in male loneliness is not happening because something is wrong with men. It is happening because the structures that once made male friendship easy (workplaces, clubs, leagues, regular activities) are eroding, and nothing has replaced them yet.

Understanding this as a structural problem rather than a personal one is the first step. The second step is simpler than you think: pick one activity, show up regularly, and let connection happen at its own pace.

Sources

AARP. "Disconnected: The Escalating Challenge of Loneliness Among Adults 45 Plus." AARP Research, December 2025.

Way, N. Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection. Harvard University Press, 2011.

U.S. Surgeon General. "Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community." 2023.

Health Promotion International. "An Update of Third Place Theory." 2025.

This article is for educational purposes only. It is not therapy, counseling, or medical advice. If you are experiencing persistent feelings of isolation or depression, please consult a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.